


Misery

by crmsndragonwngs



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 20:10:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6673867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crmsndragonwngs/pseuds/crmsndragonwngs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sasaki looks in the mirror, he sees a monster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Misery

When Sasaki looks in the mirror, he is not looking through his own eyes. He is not looking at himself. Or at least, if he is, he does not recognize it as himself.

When Sasaki looks in the mirror, he sees a monster.

A monster with scaly red arms, dark hair, and darker eyes.

He can’t remember the last time he smiled, or the last time he was happy to see any of his friends. He can’t remember anything but this anguish in his heart. It claws at the cords that string it up in his body, plucking at them and making his chest tight. 

Anguish. It is a very old foe. Older than he can remember. Older than himself. Stretching back so far and through so many people, as deep and broad as the ocean or the sky. It governs his mind, his thoughts, and all his actions. It crushes all his memories, all the joy that once fluttered in his heart, all the pride he took in being the protégé of the Reaper, all the warmth he felt for every face he passed in the halls of that godforsaken building. It created a new feeling in him, one that he knew he’d felt once, but hadn’t known since.

Disgust.

Disgust when he looks at Akira, the daughter of the bastard that beheaded Hinami’s mother in the middle of the street. Disgust when he looks at Arima, the man who had taken his life and built him anew. Disgust when he looks at the CCG seal on his tactical gear, disgust when he clutches the handle of his quinque, disgust when other ghouls snap and snarl and call him a Dove.

Disgust when he looks in the mirror, and all he sees is a monster. A monster that kills ghouls. A monster that has always killed ghouls. A ghoul that would be a human. A human that would be a ghoul.

When Sasaki looks in the mirror, he is not looking through his own eyes. He is not looking at himself. Or, at least, if he is, he does not recognize it as himself. All he sees is a monster.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been thinking a lot about a little Sasaki hiding in the back of Kaneki/Sasaki's mind, a pure and unmixed Sasaki that is not influenced by Kaneki at all. Not unlike the little shironeki that haunted Sasaki before. I wonder what Sasaki really thinks of himself now?
> 
> I could not figure out a title for this thing.


End file.
